I made this a basic check-in even though it will include my OA check-in, as well.
I found this quote while searching for another quote and it really resonated with me. Anyone who destroys themselves with food is not their own friend, at all. I would not destroy a friend and keep them on a path of slowly dying. Why would I do that to myself? I have to become my friend and hopefully this will translate into my working my OA steps, staying in touch with my sponsor, praying to my higher power (God, for me), remaining abstinent by sticking to my food plan, going to on-line and face-to-face meetings, and the hardest thing – asking for help when I need it.
My sponsor has said that if I am not willing to put my recovery first, I will fail. It is as simple as that. Put your recovery first or fail. It is very hard for me to put myself first. But I know I must if I want to live – truly live – not just exist. I want to be able to go for long walks in the woods. I want to be able to go hiking. I want to be able to look in a mirror and be pleased with myself. I want to be able to go up a flight (or two or more) stairs and not be completely feeling like I’m going to pass out from being out of breath.
I do need to remind myself that my body is a temple and I continue to destroy it with a bunch of crap and poisonous food. Why would I desecrate a temple like that? I would never do that to a physical temple building. Why would I do it to my physical temple body? Sometimes I watch the show Hoarders and am not sure why except I usually go and get rid of something in response. But, the more I think about, the more deeper I think it goes in my psyche to watch Hoarders. I often wondered why I feel connected to these hoarders even though I don’t hoard. I like to keep things neat and clean and everything in its place so why do I feel connected to Hoarders? It hit me recently that it is because basically I’ve done to my body and psyche what hoarders have done to their homes. I’ve continuously stacked poisonous food and clutter and all kinds of crap so high in my psyche and my body that it has crowded out any plan to be a healthier person in body, spirit, and mind. I have to get all of that hoard out of my psyche so I’ll have room to actually breathe, stretch out, and enjoy my surroundings rather than have them so covered with crap that I can never get there.
This is hard work. It is not as simple as, “Just don’t eat crap!” For people who do not suffer from this disease, they just cannot really understand it. I have to put the hard work in or I will never recover.